How can a look cut so deep? How can a look melt a heart? How can a look provoke tears to stream down my face? How do our eyes say so much?
They truly are the windows to our soul.
God please help my eyes reflect you. My love for you...Your love through me...Your compassion, grace, mercy... YOU and YOU ALONE, Lord.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Waiting
As I sit here once again in the ICU waiting room, I wonder how the day will go.
God is faithful, and we are here to walk it out. I say that--sitting here...
What Lord, will you ask me to walk out. Patience with my siblings...graciously taking what I need to, in order for them to see you somehow? I need Your strength Lord, to do so. I can not do this on my own...I don't have it in me. ONLY IN YOU. Please Lord help me to exemplify you. Help me to have peace, to be peaceful, and to know that you are showing through me/us. Please help me to not blow it.
This post is more for me to write out what I am feeling...Sorry, if it doesn't connect with anyone else.
God is faithful, and we are here to walk it out. I say that--sitting here...
What Lord, will you ask me to walk out. Patience with my siblings...graciously taking what I need to, in order for them to see you somehow? I need Your strength Lord, to do so. I can not do this on my own...I don't have it in me. ONLY IN YOU. Please Lord help me to exemplify you. Help me to have peace, to be peaceful, and to know that you are showing through me/us. Please help me to not blow it.
This post is more for me to write out what I am feeling...Sorry, if it doesn't connect with anyone else.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
No apologies--it is just life.
I know, I know it has been forever since I have blogged. Something got into me a while ago, that everyone was judging me and so I didn't need one more avenue where folks could judge me. But I have decided, this blog was for me. I am glad if my friends follow, but really it is for me.
This past year was awesome, amazing and painful all in one year.
I have lost 126 pounds-and there I have plateaued...frustrating but at the same time I know where I am at, and where I would like to be. Yes I have set a goal--no I am not sharing it here.
I have learned and stood up for myself, I am not a project, I am a person. I will get back on track with my weight, with the Lord's help-no one else.
I have gotten to paint a bunch this year, made jellies with the fruits around campus, learned to crochet, and did some cool projects for friends! Found some amazing recipes and got to cater a meal for Denver and the Mile High Orchestra.
Shawn and I took our first ever trip by ourselves together to Texas. It was wonderful and we could really see ourselves living down there with the Callahan's. (Shawn's Sis and her fam)
Had many great times going to Sen's concerts at school, had an awesome summer with him, getting to know him again-now as a young adult.
Had the most fabulous experience of going to NYSUM with the EBI Juniors in September. We did homeless ministry, clown ministry, ferry and subway ministry. It was all so interesting and provoking. I could do it everyday. Alas, my husby loves the country. But we both love, love, love, the juniors and ministering with them. We would so do it again in a minute!
On the way home from NYSUM I got the call that my mum had been taken to the emergency room. They (the hospital) were going to let her die, but my dad and two siblings said no-to do whatever was necessary to give her a chance. We got home, and left again within 10minutes, and were in PA at the hospital short of 2 hours later. My mom stayed in Sayre for just short of 3 weeks, and in Troy for rehab 5 days (should have been 2 more weeks). I was in PA for 21 days. It was a very difficult time. I hated seeing my mum like that. I am so very glad she recouped. I wish she would have more of a will to live. It is so hard to hear the depression in her voice, and how she refuses to do the things she needs to in order to extend her days. I desire so many things for her--most of all that she would understand the FATHER's love for her. She has held onto so much hurt from her life. It breaks my heart to think of all she has gone through. But I know that without God to be her strength and comfort--it is all she will dwell on. I choose to not live that way, I pray she will too...soon.
Our Christmas was very nice. The three of us together, a great friend, a great meal, a great time. We went shopping the next day and then headed to PA for overnight. It was a nice time.
I guess that is all for now, hopefully it won't be so long between blogs. Here's to the New Year, new choices, strength, and wisdom for the future. God bless us all!
This past year was awesome, amazing and painful all in one year.
I have lost 126 pounds-and there I have plateaued...frustrating but at the same time I know where I am at, and where I would like to be. Yes I have set a goal--no I am not sharing it here.
I have learned and stood up for myself, I am not a project, I am a person. I will get back on track with my weight, with the Lord's help-no one else.
I have gotten to paint a bunch this year, made jellies with the fruits around campus, learned to crochet, and did some cool projects for friends! Found some amazing recipes and got to cater a meal for Denver and the Mile High Orchestra.
Shawn and I took our first ever trip by ourselves together to Texas. It was wonderful and we could really see ourselves living down there with the Callahan's. (Shawn's Sis and her fam)
Had many great times going to Sen's concerts at school, had an awesome summer with him, getting to know him again-now as a young adult.
Had the most fabulous experience of going to NYSUM with the EBI Juniors in September. We did homeless ministry, clown ministry, ferry and subway ministry. It was all so interesting and provoking. I could do it everyday. Alas, my husby loves the country. But we both love, love, love, the juniors and ministering with them. We would so do it again in a minute!
On the way home from NYSUM I got the call that my mum had been taken to the emergency room. They (the hospital) were going to let her die, but my dad and two siblings said no-to do whatever was necessary to give her a chance. We got home, and left again within 10minutes, and were in PA at the hospital short of 2 hours later. My mom stayed in Sayre for just short of 3 weeks, and in Troy for rehab 5 days (should have been 2 more weeks). I was in PA for 21 days. It was a very difficult time. I hated seeing my mum like that. I am so very glad she recouped. I wish she would have more of a will to live. It is so hard to hear the depression in her voice, and how she refuses to do the things she needs to in order to extend her days. I desire so many things for her--most of all that she would understand the FATHER's love for her. She has held onto so much hurt from her life. It breaks my heart to think of all she has gone through. But I know that without God to be her strength and comfort--it is all she will dwell on. I choose to not live that way, I pray she will too...soon.
Our Christmas was very nice. The three of us together, a great friend, a great meal, a great time. We went shopping the next day and then headed to PA for overnight. It was a nice time.
I guess that is all for now, hopefully it won't be so long between blogs. Here's to the New Year, new choices, strength, and wisdom for the future. God bless us all!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Way too Long
Wow it has been a long time since I posted. I can't even begin to remember all that has happened. Lots of conferences at the school, camp meeting...days filled with painting, cooking and baking. I have been trying to spend time in the sun when we have some. My deck has been a fun place to be. Tepi enjoys it too, she is such a nice companion.
Sen went to Ireland and England and had a great time. He really enjoyed it. He is now back at work for Deckman. He is having a good summer, and we are enjoying having him around.
Shawn has been real busy working for EBI. He has been having fun putting campfires together for relaxation time for us and the summer crew. I love seeing him interact with the youth and young adults. He connects so well with them, and I just see Jesus coming through him as he talks with them and encourages them.
Cafe has been really busy too. I am really needing to find some other teams to join, and so I have been working on that lately. Anyone interested? You have to be members of EGC, and want to serve, other than that I can train you...Just let me know you have a desire!
Well, I am off to paint some more... Here are some pics of recent projects, I am working toward having an openhouse at the beginning of November for friends and family to come see if I have something you would like to purchase for holiday gift giving. Keep this in mind--won't you?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Did Ya Miss Me?
So, I can't really say why I haven't blogged in so long...I kept thinking I should, I just didn't take the time, or make the time. Well, here I am again, hopefully you can forgive my lack of writing and get happy to see me again.
Life has generally been busy. Taking care of Husby and looking forward to the next time I would see Sen. Happy for the most part. By the way, Sen is in Ireland right now on a missions trip through his school. He is having a blast from all indications on fb.
I have been hard at work painting. I am thinking I may do some craft shows in the fall, or have a "home" show near Christmas. My dear Pastor Jerry is still waiting me to write some stuff up for my website to finish it. Anyone gifted at writing up descriptions for product? I would be blessed with your gifting if you would so choose to bless me with it. I could barter your time for artwork...hmm just a thought...
The past 2 weeks I have been hoeing out the house...getting ready for a yard sale on Friday and Saturday. I baked all week so far for it. Now tomorrow I have to do the setting up of my stuff. The sale is at a dear friend's house. It will be so great to spend these days with her. I am blessed with her friendship. Come out and get some cookies and bread and browse my great junk, you may just find something useful.
Shawn has been especially enjoying his campus work the last 2 weeks. He has been doing alot of outdoor work, and spending time with the summer crew kids. He really enjoys the time with them.
PS--If you really don't want to read my heart issue you can stop reading here. Following is something I am just needing to get off my chest. It may not bless you, it is my growth...maybe someone else has gone through something like it...I need to express myself.
God has been really working on me to focus on what He has for me. There are so many opportunities out there for me to give of my time, or busy myself with. So many good things I could/should (in some minds) be doing. I have been dwelling alot on what others think of me, and what others think I should be doing...I can't anymore. I battled really hard over the last month-and I believe won, a fight against depression. I have struggled other times too, but praise God it has been shorter each time, and I hear Him so much louder and quicker.
He loves me, He is happy with me, I am His daughter, created in His image. I can't stand up against the weight of it-except by His strength. He is at my right hand, ready to hold me to Himself. He knows it is what I need so much. He gave Shawn such a sweet heart to bear with me in such times, how he does, the Father only knows.
I am sorry for those in my life who look at me still as I was--sorry that it is all you can see. Sorry that you are so busy judging the slivers in my eye(cuz I am sure there are still many) that you can't see what is in your own.
I don't care that I may never be a size 6. I am not finished by a long shot, but I am not obsessing, and just cuz I am not obsessing doesn't mean I will be horribly obese all my life. But what if I am? Am I less a daughter of the King? Am I less lovable?
I didn't start this journey to become a certain size, to be able to do a marathon (nothing wrong with runners), I did this to get healthy. Healthy that God wants-not other peoples perspective. I need to have the freedom to do it the way God is working on me. It is MY journey.
I'm sorry too, that I reflect so much longer on what my peers think of me, than on what my Father does. How can I ever live up to their wants? I can't, and yet I try so hard, that I drive myself to the brink with such guilt and condemnation that I don't meet every expectation. I am sure that it grieves the heart of God that I do so. I want His Joy and Peace.
I believe I am where God has me, physically, geographically, spiritually and emotionally. Does He desire change in me? Absolutely, and I feel confident that I am giving myself wholeheartedly to the process. I love the Lord with all my heart-the rest will come in His timing.
I have said all of this because I have judged, and I have tasted judgement. I don't want it anymore either direction in my life. For me this is the line in the sand==I will go no farther!
Can't we all just try to see each other through God's eyes?
Life has generally been busy. Taking care of Husby and looking forward to the next time I would see Sen. Happy for the most part. By the way, Sen is in Ireland right now on a missions trip through his school. He is having a blast from all indications on fb.
I have been hard at work painting. I am thinking I may do some craft shows in the fall, or have a "home" show near Christmas. My dear Pastor Jerry is still waiting me to write some stuff up for my website to finish it. Anyone gifted at writing up descriptions for product? I would be blessed with your gifting if you would so choose to bless me with it. I could barter your time for artwork...hmm just a thought...
The past 2 weeks I have been hoeing out the house...getting ready for a yard sale on Friday and Saturday. I baked all week so far for it. Now tomorrow I have to do the setting up of my stuff. The sale is at a dear friend's house. It will be so great to spend these days with her. I am blessed with her friendship. Come out and get some cookies and bread and browse my great junk, you may just find something useful.
Shawn has been especially enjoying his campus work the last 2 weeks. He has been doing alot of outdoor work, and spending time with the summer crew kids. He really enjoys the time with them.
PS--If you really don't want to read my heart issue you can stop reading here. Following is something I am just needing to get off my chest. It may not bless you, it is my growth...maybe someone else has gone through something like it...I need to express myself.
God has been really working on me to focus on what He has for me. There are so many opportunities out there for me to give of my time, or busy myself with. So many good things I could/should (in some minds) be doing. I have been dwelling alot on what others think of me, and what others think I should be doing...I can't anymore. I battled really hard over the last month-and I believe won, a fight against depression. I have struggled other times too, but praise God it has been shorter each time, and I hear Him so much louder and quicker.
He loves me, He is happy with me, I am His daughter, created in His image. I can't stand up against the weight of it-except by His strength. He is at my right hand, ready to hold me to Himself. He knows it is what I need so much. He gave Shawn such a sweet heart to bear with me in such times, how he does, the Father only knows.
I am sorry for those in my life who look at me still as I was--sorry that it is all you can see. Sorry that you are so busy judging the slivers in my eye(cuz I am sure there are still many) that you can't see what is in your own.
I don't care that I may never be a size 6. I am not finished by a long shot, but I am not obsessing, and just cuz I am not obsessing doesn't mean I will be horribly obese all my life. But what if I am? Am I less a daughter of the King? Am I less lovable?
I didn't start this journey to become a certain size, to be able to do a marathon (nothing wrong with runners), I did this to get healthy. Healthy that God wants-not other peoples perspective. I need to have the freedom to do it the way God is working on me. It is MY journey.
I'm sorry too, that I reflect so much longer on what my peers think of me, than on what my Father does. How can I ever live up to their wants? I can't, and yet I try so hard, that I drive myself to the brink with such guilt and condemnation that I don't meet every expectation. I am sure that it grieves the heart of God that I do so. I want His Joy and Peace.
I believe I am where God has me, physically, geographically, spiritually and emotionally. Does He desire change in me? Absolutely, and I feel confident that I am giving myself wholeheartedly to the process. I love the Lord with all my heart-the rest will come in His timing.
I have said all of this because I have judged, and I have tasted judgement. I don't want it anymore either direction in my life. For me this is the line in the sand==I will go no farther!
Can't we all just try to see each other through God's eyes?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
This Girl's Pilgrimage.: I Mentioned Something About a Giveaway...
This is a sweet doll of girlfriend's page. Gina and her family are precious servant's of the Christ. Check out her blog, you will be blessed.
This Girl's Pilgrimage.: I Mentioned Something About a Giveaway...
This Girl's Pilgrimage.: I Mentioned Something About a Giveaway...
Friday, January 2, 2009
New pics of shrinking me
So we took new pictures, I wasn't even planning to do it but a sweet friend reminded me. Thank you for caring--you are sweet.
July 2007
January 2009I have now lost 108 pounds and 89.5 inches. I am excited when I see the numbers. It floors me when I added it all together. I know the last few months have slowed down a bit, but I am still losing and of that I am satisfied. I knew it would eventually become harder, but now I am capable of working harder. God gave me the tools and His strength and now I will dig in even more!
Some other things in our life here "on the hill"--Sen has been home, I love my boy. There have been some great opportunities to hear his heart. His heart is for the Lord...that is all I need to know for sure.
My hubby is having a couple of vacation days, of which he has much needed. He was weary to the bone--I think he is being rejuvenated bit by bit. God is so good.
I have been getting to spend some precious time with a dear sister in the faith. It has been amazing and I am honored God would make this opportunity available to me.
May your new year be blessed, and may you keep your eyes on him- come what may.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)