Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Did Ya Miss Me?

So, I can't really say why I haven't blogged in so long...I kept thinking I should, I just didn't take the time, or make the time. Well, here I am again, hopefully you can forgive my lack of writing and get happy to see me again.

Life has generally been busy. Taking care of Husby and looking forward to the next time I would see Sen. Happy for the most part. By the way, Sen is in Ireland right now on a missions trip through his school. He is having a blast from all indications on fb.

I have been hard at work painting. I am thinking I may do some craft shows in the fall, or have a "home" show near Christmas. My dear Pastor Jerry is still waiting me to write some stuff up for my website to finish it. Anyone gifted at writing up descriptions for product? I would be blessed with your gifting if you would so choose to bless me with it. I could barter your time for artwork...hmm just a thought...

The past 2 weeks I have been hoeing out the house...getting ready for a yard sale on Friday and Saturday. I baked all week so far for it. Now tomorrow I have to do the setting up of my stuff. The sale is at a dear friend's house. It will be so great to spend these days with her. I am blessed with her friendship. Come out and get some cookies and bread and browse my great junk, you may just find something useful.

Shawn has been especially enjoying his campus work the last 2 weeks. He has been doing alot of outdoor work, and spending time with the summer crew kids. He really enjoys the time with them.

PS--If you really don't want to read my heart issue you can stop reading here. Following is something I am just needing to get off my chest. It may not bless you, it is my growth...maybe someone else has gone through something like it...I need to express myself.

God has been really working on me to focus on what He has for me. There are so many opportunities out there for me to give of my time, or busy myself with. So many good things I could/should (in some minds) be doing. I have been dwelling alot on what others think of me, and what others think I should be doing...I can't anymore. I battled really hard over the last month-and I believe won, a fight against depression. I have struggled other times too, but praise God it has been shorter each time, and I hear Him so much louder and quicker.

He loves me, He is happy with me, I am His daughter, created in His image. I can't stand up against the weight of it-except by His strength. He is at my right hand, ready to hold me to Himself. He knows it is what I need so much. He gave Shawn such a sweet heart to bear with me in such times, how he does, the Father only knows.

I am sorry for those in my life who look at me still as I was--sorry that it is all you can see. Sorry that you are so busy judging the slivers in my eye(cuz I am sure there are still many) that you can't see what is in your own.

I don't care that I may never be a size 6. I am not finished by a long shot, but I am not obsessing, and just cuz I am not obsessing doesn't mean I will be horribly obese all my life. But what if I am? Am I less a daughter of the King? Am I less lovable?

I didn't start this journey to become a certain size, to be able to do a marathon (nothing wrong with runners), I did this to get healthy. Healthy that God wants-not other peoples perspective. I need to have the freedom to do it the way God is working on me. It is MY journey.

I'm sorry too, that I reflect so much longer on what my peers think of me, than on what my Father does. How can I ever live up to their wants? I can't, and yet I try so hard, that I drive myself to the brink with such guilt and condemnation that I don't meet every expectation. I am sure that it grieves the heart of God that I do so. I want His Joy and Peace.

I believe I am where God has me, physically, geographically, spiritually and emotionally. Does He desire change in me? Absolutely, and I feel confident that I am giving myself wholeheartedly to the process. I love the Lord with all my heart-the rest will come in His timing.

I have said all of this because I have judged, and I have tasted judgement. I don't want it anymore either direction in my life. For me this is the line in the sand==I will go no farther!

Can't we all just try to see each other through God's eyes?