This time in my life has been so stretching, to the point of being surreal. Sometimes I have felt like I was looking in from the outside and sometimes I begged to 'be' looking from the outside. All the while I know my Lord has been for me.
Mum passed away on August 10, 2010 and daddy had a mitral valve repair done on his heart on September 1, 2010. In between, I am not sure I really breathed. I was so concerned that daddy wouldn't be able to handle the surgery, or that because mum was gone-he might not feel like living anymore. I just don't know that I could cope with losing him right now too. Well, he did very well, his surgeon was thrilled by his progress. I spent a total of 3 weeks with him, taking care of him, helping him, and preparing his house for easier maintenance. I was genuinely scared that I might do something that would hurt him, feed him the wrong food, forget his medicine, hurt him while I was helping him up or putting his socks on... I couldn't get beyond the awesome responsibility of it all. Although, I felt so blessed that he would allow me to come care for him in such a precious way. I truly felt honored that he wanted me to help him. He has enough meals for about a month, ha ha. I hope he eats them...
I know I don't need to worry about him, I know who has my back and therefore cares about and for what I do. I'm not worried as much as concerned. That he won't be lonely, depressed, bored, hungry for yummy food, that he takes care of his health, that he remembers his medicine, that he remembers we love him.
With that said I am so glad to be home. It too is surreal, I honestly wasn't sure when I would get to come back home. I missed my home, husby, and kitty. I still miss my son. I miss myself. I don't feel she is here right now. I keep getting told it will get easier, I know it will, I have much hope. It just isn't better, today. Tomorrow is another day. I have peace that passes all understanding, I will stand with that for right now. Joy will come in the morning...
