Sunday, August 15, 2010

Words can't truly express...

I know I need to write something, but words can not truly express how much my heart is hurting right now. I know as time goes on it will diminish some, but will never really stop. I know my mum is with her Savior right now, praising and worshipping him. I know I will see her again someday... all of this I know and yet the tears come.

My mum wasn't perfect but she was perfect for me. God knew who I needed to draw me to Him, to rely on His strength, to bring me to my knees. We loved each other, encouraged each other, frustrated each other and hurt each other. We talked, made up, yelled, laughed...all the things mother's and daughter's do.

I got the opportunity to take my mum to the fair in our hometown on July 31. We had a blast playing bingo, eating all sorts of yummy food, people watching and checking out the quilts and handmade goods. I am so glad we got to go. I am so grateful to the Lord for giving me that time with her. I will never forget it.

On Monday August 9, I called Mum about 9:30 at night, just to talk to see how she was doing. I laughed with her as she told me how she had just talked with my younger brother Kevin who was on a ferris wheel at the beach. She told me about the excitement during the week with my sisters, shopping, eating out, going to see my neices new house. She was coughing a bit and sounded tired--but not abnormally so...I asked her if she was going to do a breathing treatment and she said "yeah, I probably should" knowing full well she probably wouldn't-haha. I told her, "I love you, mommy!" and she said, "oh, I love you too, honey." She said she was tired so I said goodnight and I would call again soon.

I got off the phone and told Shawn that I really felt it might not be very long for mum. Well, that night at around midnight my mommy passed away. I got the call about 12:30 from my brother to call Daddy and when I did he told me he had found her. I heard the pain in his voice...as if losing my mum wasn't heartrending enough...to feel that pain as well...

I have no idea what this season of my life will hold, I am sad, scared, hopeful, contemplative...I miss her already, I missed her before she was gone...God be my strength through this, please?

5 comments:

G. said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Vic. I can't imagine all that you must be going through. I'm thinking of how your last conversation with her, you both said "I Love You". I pray that His peace that passes understanding will guard your heart and mind during this season.

Mom said...

I can feel your loss. Even after 2 years I think of gram and cry. Why is it we realize our mothers are our best friends after the fact. Love ya hon.

KT said...

praying, praying for you friend. knowing that only HE can give you peace that passes all understanding. love you, and again so so sorry for you loss.

Smiling Sal :) said...

I just want you to know that my heart hurts for you! I can't imagine losing my mommy and the pain you are enduring...but know I am praying for you and I love you so much.
Mom's definitely hold a special place in all our hearts and they always will...so glad you were able to be with her and have some good last memories with her!
Hugs to you sweet lady!

teresamnj said...

I'm so sorry about your mom. I know exactly how you feel. My dad died 14 years ago this past June, and I was just thinking today how much I miss him. I can't believe it's been 14 years. Eventually the pain will just become a dull ache, and you'll be able to smile again when you think of your mom, in between the tears.