Saturday, November 12, 2011
Humility in a righteous soul
God has been working on my heart alot about humility.
All through this time with cancer, walking through the times of fear, feeling His peace that passes all understanding, knowing that friends are on their knees all over the world praying for me--I have been humbled.
There have been times during this season that the Father has asked me to let others minister to me...for some, this wouldn't be hard, for me--it is a difficult place. I love to do for others, it isn't as easy for me to be vulnerable and receive. The Lord has been ministering to my heart that to not allow others to bless me/us, is a place of pride in my heart. I was so saddened by the thought, that I just had to share--lest anyone else have the same attitude. He gives us giftings, abilities, and talents to share with others to be sure--but He also allows us to be in times when we need our brothers and sisters in the faith to minister to our needs-physical, emotional and spiritual.
I don't want to be prideful, I don't pursue it--but when I think less of myself than what He created; then I am being as prideful as if I was out touting all my wonderful attributes.
Instead I desire to walk out righteousness-the Lord wants us to know that we are righteous in Him. I am righteous in Him, as I understand I John 2:29 "If you know that he is righteous, you know that everyone who does what is right has been born of him." I know I am born in Christ, so it isn't prideful to say I am righteous. So knowing that--Psalm 97:11 says, "Light shines on the righteous and joy on the upright in heart." I have felt the Lord's joy even in these last weeks of waiting, it has been incredible how the Father has been faithful. People have commented on my countenance on many occasions. It isn't me, but He who is in me! Praise Him!
As He reminds me of the righteous state I am in, because I believe, I can relax and let people bless us, with their time, prayers, food, etc. I can enjoy and be a joy to those who love us. I don't need to feel self conscious that others are meeting my very personal needs as I recover--they are doing it out of love for me. I can know fully that Christ has placed such people into my life for such a time as this! I am so humbled, and so completely and thoroughly blessed by those He has placed in my life right now.
HEALTH UPDATE: I had surgery on November 4 they did a radical hysterectomy with lymph node removal. The Dr. said he saw nothing to indicate the cancer had spread beyond my uterus. The lab results would take 7-10 days to come back. I was in the hospital just overnight and came home on Saturday. It has been one week now and I have had good days and less than good days-I think mainly due to lack of sleep (can't get comfy). I am not in real pain, just uncomfortable. Tuesday the 15th I meet with the oncologist to see where we are at. I am believing for the best of reports and of course will share with you all my results as quickly as I am able.
I appreciate all who are reading this blog. Your comments bless me. I need to mention though, that if I don't know who you are (anonymous)-no matter how sweet your comment may be, I can't publish it. You may notice other anonymous comments, it is because I know who they are via other means. I am sorry if this may hurt your feelings in any way, it is not my desire to do so. I feel very personal about what is said on my blog, as I am sure anyone who has one does, and if I can not know whom you are then only I will be blessed by your sweetness. Thank you for your consideration in this.