Friday, August 29, 2008

How do you mother-when the birdie has done flown away?


I can't believe that the day has finally come-Sen went to Roberts Wesleyan College today. Since about day 4 of Sen's life Shawn has teased me about relishing every moment with him, that one day we will wake up and it will be the day we take him to college. He even woke me up one morning when Sen was about 3 months-saying Vic, Vic hurry up we have to take (Shaw) to college today. I woke up panicked-thinking I had missed his whole life.

Well, today was that day...My heart is so full of excitement and pride for him. He worked so hard to be able to go, he received so much money in scholarships and grants that we knew God was directing every footstep. Praise God!

My heart also feels broken in two. I can't help but sob, I miss him--or the anticipation of missing him. What a great time we have had; good and bad it has all been part of God maturing us.

I went into his empty room--I could see the floor. I would rather not be able to see the floor. I miss his guitars and sound equipment, his books and clothes, his desk open with his laptop as if he were coming back to work on something.

The kitty has been meowing non-stop- she misses him too. She verbalizes in the volume that my heart can't.

I know the ache will diminish some, God says he will only give me what I can handle. I am so glad He is with me, I couldn't do it alone.

Has anyone else gone through this season in their life? Anyone that can give me encouragement?

Funny something-from last night. Shawn was saying to me we should be pleased with how well he has turned out, how smart he is and all. I said "Well, I would like to go in there and slap him silly, so he can't think straight--then he won't be able to go to college and he will just stay home here with us." With wisdom, Shawn told me I may not do that--so here we are today. Maybe I shoulda let him eat paste when he was little...

1 comment:

Michelle said...

I know this is such a bitter sweet experience for you!

Although I've not walked this way yet, I can only imagine what a change this is in your life. No matter what stage of life Sen must walk, he will only ever have ONE mom - and that's you! You are doing a great job Mom!

Oh and what's wrong with eating pasta?