God's Chisel - The Skit Guys

The best husby evs!

This past weekend my husby surprised me with a little mini vacation. After dealing for the last 6 months with my mums declining health and recently being in PA due to mum being in the ICU, my husby decided we needed to disappear for a couple of days.

We went to a hotel for a night and just spent time together talking about everything and nothing. It was so wonderful. He knows me so well, and knew I needed this...I didn't know how much until we were gone and in the hotel. Ah, it was heaven. What a blessing to just be anonymous and not have to answer the phone. We have never gone away like that before. I mean, not frivolously, for no reason but rest...

On our trip we stopped at a moving sale, and were blessed with a few really good finds. A foot massager for Shawn (has heat) in store for $38 we got for $5-hee hee. Also, in our "window shopping" we were trying on some colognes and I loved the Dolce Gabana Blue...got that at the ms for $15- it was $80 in Macy's--love how God blesses us with wants along with needs. Lastly, we got a huge bag of quilting fabric for a fraction of its worth. I am so excited, I have started to do some quilting and hate to spend the money for retail fabric. It is so nice to be able to pick from fabric I have and not have to spend much to make something beautiful. It will be many hours of fun and probably lots of gifts for my favorite peops.

Isn't God wonderful for blessing me with such an amazing husby? Now today he has done the dishes up and is making me soup---I am sickly and he is so sweet to take care of me.

I love him so very much...God please bless him abundantly beyond anything he could hope for or imagine.

Home Sweet Home

Ah, it is so good to be home. Something about a purring kitty greeting us at the door, the smells of our home and the coziness of our bed---just puts me in a calmer mood. It is tranquil here, soothing, peaceful...Thank you Lord, for your presence.

I had a dr. appt today...I haven't been feeling very well lately. Kind of in a funk for the better part of the year. I would say I started out a bit depressed, then just stopped caring about some medical things that I really "shouldn't" let go. Anyway, me dr was ticked--'yelled' in his firm voice...and now having been appropriately poked and prodded, I should be on the mend. So excited to be feeling better.

Did get a scolding though that struck a nerve and a half...Dr. said I was following in my mum's footsteps as far as not taking care of myself the way I ought to. It definetly made me realise that I don't want to go down that path. I owe it to my family to work harder to care about myself and for myself. I owe it to myself...Here goes---to another year for Him!

Wrestling with thoughts

She wants to die, mum WANTS to die. I hear it in what she says, how she talks, the looks she gives. She is so angry that daddy took her to the hospital. Mum keeps talking about when this happens again...she just wants daddy to sit on the couch and cuddle with her. Like she is dying from cancer and can't do anything about what is killing her. IF mum would choose to do her breathing treatments, IF mum would check her blood sugar, IF IF IF, she could live for some years yet. BUT her choice is to not do the breathing treatments when she is home. (right now mum is doing all she is told to do...cause of being in the ICU---but when she goes home...)

I am so frustrated. I can't even begin to understand this. How do you just decide to stop wanting to live? How do you just decide to leave your loved ones, just because you don't want to try anymore. Listen, I understand giving up the good fight...this seems more like depression to me. So how do you try to convince your parent to receive more help, as in psychiatric help?

Please Lord, remind her that you number our days and it is up to us to live them out the way you ask us to. Lord, you know my heart is not to judge my mum, help me to continue to express your grace to her. I know my expressions can reflect the pain in my heart, and I am definetly in pain right now.

I am not ready to lose my mum. My heart is so broken at the idea of not being able to call her, talk to her, to hug her, hold her hand. To never hear her voice again...God I need your strength, your peace, your comfort...I can't do this alone.

A look

How can a look cut so deep? How can a look melt a heart? How can a look provoke tears to stream down my face? How do our eyes say so much?

They truly are the windows to our soul.

God please help my eyes reflect you. My love for you...Your love through me...Your compassion, grace, mercy... YOU and YOU ALONE, Lord.

Waiting

As I sit here once again in the ICU waiting room, I wonder how the day will go.

God is faithful, and we are here to walk it out. I say that--sitting here...

What Lord, will you ask me to walk out. Patience with my siblings...graciously taking what I need to, in order for them to see you somehow? I need Your strength Lord, to do so. I can not do this on my own...I don't have it in me. ONLY IN YOU. Please Lord help me to exemplify you. Help me to have peace, to be peaceful, and to know that you are showing through me/us. Please help me to not blow it.

This post is more for me to write out what I am feeling...Sorry, if it doesn't connect with anyone else.

No apologies--it is just life.

I know, I know it has been forever since I have blogged. Something got into me a while ago, that everyone was judging me and so I didn't need one more avenue where folks could judge me. But I have decided, this blog was for me. I am glad if my friends follow, but really it is for me.

This past year was awesome, amazing and painful all in one year.

I have lost 126 pounds-and there I have plateaued...frustrating but at the same time I know where I am at, and where I would like to be. Yes I have set a goal--no I am not sharing it here.

I have learned and stood up for myself, I am not a project, I am a person. I will get back on track with my weight, with the Lord's help-no one else.

I have gotten to paint a bunch this year, made jellies with the fruits around campus, learned to crochet, and did some cool projects for friends! Found some amazing recipes and got to cater a meal for Denver and the Mile High Orchestra.

Shawn and I took our first ever trip by ourselves together to Texas. It was wonderful and we could really see ourselves living down there with the Callahan's. (Shawn's Sis and her fam)

Had many great times going to Sen's concerts at school, had an awesome summer with him, getting to know him again-now as a young adult.

Had the most fabulous experience of going to NYSUM with the EBI Juniors in September. We did homeless ministry, clown ministry, ferry and subway ministry. It was all so interesting and provoking. I could do it everyday. Alas, my husby loves the country. But we both love, love, love, the juniors and ministering with them. We would so do it again in a minute!

On the way home from NYSUM I got the call that my mum had been taken to the emergency room. They (the hospital) were going to let her die, but my dad and two siblings said no-to do whatever was necessary to give her a chance. We got home, and left again within 10minutes, and were in PA at the hospital short of 2 hours later. My mom stayed in Sayre for just short of 3 weeks, and in Troy for rehab 5 days (should have been 2 more weeks). I was in PA for 21 days. It was a very difficult time. I hated seeing my mum like that. I am so very glad she recouped. I wish she would have more of a will to live. It is so hard to hear the depression in her voice, and how she refuses to do the things she needs to in order to extend her days. I desire so many things for her--most of all that she would understand the FATHER's love for her. She has held onto so much hurt from her life. It breaks my heart to think of all she has gone through. But I know that without God to be her strength and comfort--it is all she will dwell on. I choose to not live that way, I pray she will too...soon.

Our Christmas was very nice. The three of us together, a great friend, a great meal, a great time. We went shopping the next day and then headed to PA for overnight. It was a nice time.

I guess that is all for now, hopefully it won't be so long between blogs. Here's to the New Year, new choices, strength, and wisdom for the future. God bless us all!